At a time when the rock music industry was in complete chaos, imagination was dying out and being replaced by flannel shirts. Musicians were spending more time imitating Kurt Cobain's hairstyle than learning to play. And so it was that a band was formed who took on the responsibility of personally ridding the world of all evil-doers and Pearl Jam imitators. Their raw talent amazed everyone who saw them play. Every note, all agreed, was perfection. Unfortunately, they were killed in a lawnmowing accident... But two days later in a nearby garage, That One Band was born. They weren't very good but their songs managed to seriously annoy the neighbors. That One Guy, their savy band leader, had been performing for years with his band of inanimate objects before finally hitting on the idea of using actual musicians. He carefully chose three to fill out his band mostly due to the fact that they were the only three to show up for auditions - electric kazoo extraordinaire MC Funky Deerhead Da Gangsta, The Almighty Bob, and the one the only Satan T. Devil. Together, they set about the task of robbing from the narrow-minded and giving to the weirdos. The first collection of songs, titled And Stuff, was given away to anyone who would listen, and parents echoed each other's cries. "I don't want those kids coming over here anymore," they said, "and keep your little sister away from them, too." But it still managed to earn the band a small cult following.
That One Guy then formed another band consisting mostly of aluminum foil, but fans urged him to continue writing songs for That One Band, too. After threatening the owner of a small record company with various kitchen utensils, another That One Band album was released, Rockin' the Town Like a Moldy Crouton. With this new album, the band's following grew larger (three people bought it) and a fan club began to emerge. But after the aluminum foil went its separate ways, That One Guy had begun to consider abandoning his love of music. He became addicted to over-the-counter nasal spray and soon he even started poking the eyes out of innocent fast-food customers for asking for their food "to-go" in the drive-thru.
It seemed his music career would soon be over until one day when two strange green men knocked on his door. "Alien abduction isn't that bad," he would later say about the incident. "It's really not that different from public schooling." The two aliens, Bob and Jack, forced him to remaster their favorite tracks from the two albums and record his version of the Martian national anthem, loosely translated as "Rainbows and Bimbos". They titled the collection This Album Will Self-destruct in 5 Seconds and they marketed it all over the world on their label, Scratch 'n' Sniff Records. They hoped it would cause total anarchy throughout the world, so that they could easily destroy the earthlings with their ultra-sophisticated Slingshots o' Doom. The album was an instant hit, not because the songs were really that good, but because MTV's Beavis and Butt-head said,"Huh-huh, they're cool." Sheep from all over the world flocked to buy it. It seemed the aliens' fiendish plan would work until a newspaper quoted That One Guy as saying, "That One Band is more popular than the Devil." Millions of Satanists revolted and turned the world against the band. Soon few record stores carried the album and even fewer radio stations played it. It seemed That One Guy would be forced to live out his days personally promoting the album and working on new anarchic tunes for all Martiankind.
Disheartened by their defeat but inspired by their near-victory, the aliens decided to lock That One Guy and his band of misfits in the studio until they had recorded a whole album's worth of new material. They worked diligently on the new project, adopting a mellower sound to most of the songs. So one day, Bob and Jack decided to listen in on how the new chaotic sound was coming, but after listening to the mush that oozed from their ship's speakers, they promptly had heart attacks and died. After dancing a quick jig on their corpses, the band took over Scratch 'N' Sniff Records but found there wasn't enough funds to release the new album, titled The Book of Someone Else. Thinking quickly, our heroes organized a multi-band tour called "Jake's Big Pants-fest" along with fellow music-mutilators - I Hate Honkies, Lemon-scented Death, and The Horrible Horrible Mutant Zombies Who Walked With a Limp and Had Bad Toupees but Struck Fear into the Hearts of Random Middle-aged Women Just the Same. They hoped to raise the money they needed, but fate had something else in store. On the first night of the tour during That One Band's set, none other than Ozzy Osbourne jumped on stage. Assuming it to be only a fake, That One Guy bit Ozzy's head off, horrifying the audience. That One Band was kicked off the tour and the new album remained shelved for four more years. It wasn't until 2003 when archaeologists managed to dig up the remains of the master tapes. After replacing the damaged portions with random clips from various N'Sync songs, The Book of Someone Else was finally released to the general public.
With four albums under the band's respective belts, That One Fan Club began to swell and the fan club members started demanding compensation for the trials and torments of listening to That One Band's music year after year. The band decided to return to the studio to work on a new album to be released only to fan club members. Unfortunately, they found themselves creatively drained, having written an excruciating total of nine new songs in the past eight years. After reminiscing about the good old days when they had played in tribute bands, they had an idea, a brilliantly unoriginal idea. There was an unlimited amount of other people's songs just waiting to be rerecorded. They plunged into their CD collections, and after two grueling hours of work, Music For the Lunatic in All of Us was on its way to all That One Fan Club members. In retrospect, they wished they had just made That One Band buttons instead but it's a little late for that now, isn't it?
The following year That One Band was asked to go back out on tour, this time as the back-up band for the infamous poet and long-time friend of the band, Leif Purple. Together they traveled around the globe, Purple reading his haunting poems with That One Band banging their instruments into things in the background. They were having more fun than a monkey full of barrels when, midway through the tour, Purple took ill and flew back to his home in Indiana where he later passed away. As a tribute to their close friend, That One Band released Cafe Le Bizarre, a performance recorded from the tour at a club of the same name. In addition, the band organized an annual memorial where friends and fans gather to read Purple's poetry and honor his memory.
The death of Purple hit the band hard. They each coped with their grief in different ways. Bandleader That One Guy coped the way most of us would, by becoming a heroin-addicted pimp. He had the best smack and the dirtiest hoes at his disposal. He was on top of the world. But like all happy stories, it ended in tragedy when the feather was stolen from his fedora. He lost his job, his friends, his sleazy skanks. He was sleeping in the gutter or in beds that had recently been in the gutter. He had hit rock bottom. That's when he found Jesus (he was hiding in the closet) and was told that God loved him. Immediately, he kicked the heroin habit and started rebuilding his life. Two weeks later, Jesus told him that God had been thinking and well... he still loved him but just as a friend, and that maybe they should spend some time apart for a while. Meanwhile, That One Band’s kazoo extraordinaire Deerhead Da Gangsta managed to stoop even lower. He became a rapper. He seemed to have all the necessary qualifications: He had a gold tooth and was as dumb as a post. Sadly, he forgot one crucial thing. Without a body, Deerhead was unable to wear saggy pants. Needless to say, he was booed out of the rap community. It was about that time that our old pals, Satan T. Devil and the Almighty Bob, rescued their fallen comrades by securing a one song record deal. Back in true form, they quickly delivered a new song about cookies called "Cookies". Then, just as quickly, they were sued for copyright infringement by Jidgerfunk, the band who recorded the song 20 years earlier. They were sentenced to do community service by writing and recording one original song per month for one year. The results were released as The Curiously Strange Music of 2017 for you, the public, to judge.